“Casey Martin Ruling Paves the Way for NBA’s First Dwarf”

Los Angeles – Reaching his adult height of 3’10”, Lincoln, Nebraska native Billy Hobart never dreamed of being a force in the National Basketball Association. But now, with the recent Supreme Court ruling that allows handicapped Pro Golfer Casey Martin to use a golf cart, the stage is set for the NBA’s first dwarf.

“As I heard the decision come down, I knew my life would never be the same,” recalled Hobart. Within days, Hobart packed up his Cadillac and headed for the Entertainment Capital to meet Donald Sterling, owner of the Los Angeles Clippers, who did not immediately see Hobart’s potential. “Jesus, the guy walks in and I’m thinking, ‘When did they exhume Herve Villechaize?’ Then he pulls out the stilts, and I’m hearing champagne corks.”

Envisioning Hobart on a pair of 10-foot stilts, Sterling saw an opportunity to bolster an organization that has been the doormat of the league for more than a decade. Although the Clippers showed marked improvement this past season, the team still finished a dismal twenty games below .500, in part because they lacked a dominating center to compete with the likes of Shaquille O’Neal of the cross-town rival Lakers.

“That’s where Hobart comes in,” observes ESPN’s David Aldridge. “You put him ten, fifteen feet in the air, and who’s going to stop him?” Apparently no one, if Hobart’s inaugural effort is any indication, a 52-point, 33-rebound, 41-block performance in a summer scrimmage held in Venice Beach. “He’s not much of a dribbler,” observed fellow Clipper Darius Miles, who participated in the scrimmage with Hobart. “But when he posts you up with that lumber, watch out, boy.”

NBA Commissioner David Stern, who was stooped in controversy earlier this month for saying of the Martin controversy, “Let the gimp crawl,” has vowed to take every measure to “keep that corn husking stump as far away from a basketball arena as possible!” Hobart shucked the threats, claiming the law as his ally.

Hobart’s unprecedented opportunity is made possible by a 7-2 Supreme Court ruling on May 29th which stated that the Americans With Disabilities Act prevents the Professional Golfer’s Association from requiring handicap members like Martin to walk the course, even during professional competition. Hobart’s contention, and that of the Los Angeles Clippers, is that a dwarf’s use of stilts falls within the same protections. Using a similar argument, NBA free agent Patrick Ewing held an afternoon press conference to announce he will be using a cane for the remainder of his career.