“Record Six 7th Graders Declare for NBA Draft”

New York – A record six 7th Graders have forgone their remaining nine years of amateur eligibility and declared for this year’s NBA Draft, to be held June 27th in New York City.

Leading the pack is Toby Mittleman of Lake Hamilton Middle School in Pearcy, Arkansas. Considered a “project” by some NBA scouts, Mittleman led The Wolves in 2001 with an average of 5 points, 2.3 rebounds, and 0.9 assists per game. “We like his jump-shot,” touted Milwaukee Bucks GM Ernie Grunfeld, speaking of Mittleman’s signature underhanded shot, which he commonly heaves from half-court and beyond. “If he can make a few more of those, he’ll be unstoppable.”

The main knock on Mittleman is his ball handling, with 17 traveling violations per game. But one GM in particular, Jerry Krause of the Chicago Bulls, is not deterred. “Everyone knows they don’t call traveling in the NBA. The kid’s fine.” Krause, whose Bulls have the fourth overall pick in the draft, is said to be after Mittleman or Mabry Junior High Star Cedric Rolland, who previously had signed a letter of intent to Chapman High School (S.C.) before opting for the NBA.

While teams are licking their chops at the stable of fresh young prospects, NBA Commissioner David Stern is disturbed by the recent trend toward unseasoned players. “It’s time the owner’s take a stand. The consensus last summer was that we wouldn’t even look at prepubescent talent. Now, that seems to have gone out the window.”

Previous NBA efforts at enforcing a minimum age requirement have met strong opposition from organizations like the ACLU. “How can anyone expect these kids to live off a three-dollar allowance?” retorted ACLU President, Nadine Strossen, to a recent Stern proposal to require its players to possess a driver’s license. Commentator Robert Novak of CNN added, “America has a long, proud history of working minors, dating back to late 19th Century Industrialism.”

Joining Mittleman and Rolland are Tyrawn Washington of Lebanon Middle School (KY), George Flickstein of Elm Street Junior High (NH), Julio Cruz of Mesa View Junior High (NM), and NeShawn Bracca of Regis School of the Sacred Heart (TX). This year’s 7th grade contingent breaks the previous record of four, in 1999. Kevin Garnett, who just completed his fourteenth year in the NBA, still holds the record for the youngest player ever to be drafted, at age 8.